First of all I want to apologize for taking so long to post again. The post below was something I really felt that I should post, because I have felt this way SO MANY times during our time of trying. Second I have to preface this post with our news. I am finally pregnant, 19 weeks in fact. And although I have been so over joyed and happy I have this little hole left in my heart for those of you still trying. I wanted to follow my news with the comments below. I remember the sadness and anger I would feel when I would hear of someone else getting pregnant. I found this article on babycenter.com and thought it was great because you could read what other women were feeling.
Q: Several of my close friends announced they're pregnant. I've been trying for a baby for about two years now and I hate to admit it, but I'm jealous. It's tough to hear them talk about their pregnancies. How can I deal with these feelings?
I have to admit that I am happy that I am not the only one going through this. We have been trying since June of 2004 and have had two miscarriages. We tried for 10 months last year after our mc in January 2005 and finally got a positive test in December then mc again just 5 weeks ago. Actually today I would be 12 weeks pregnant. My husbands sister is pregnant and due about two weeks earlier than we were. She tries one month and is pregnant and everything goes perfect for her, which is such a blessing of course just really hard to watch when everything seems to go wrong with us. Two of our cousins are also pregnant and two of our closer friends had babies last month. We also have about 8 other couples/friends that are pregnant!!! It seems like everywhere I turn there are constant reminders of the babies we have lost and of the heartache of ttc month after month. I am anxious to start ttc again, but terrified that it may take what seemed like forever again! This has been the biggest trial for me in every way. So many people don't understand because they have never gone through it or just don't feel the same way about it as some of us do. I am jealous and angry and resentful and bitter and I don't think this is going to change until we have a baby of our own on the way. I am just trying to work through these feelings the best I can to get through each hour, day and month. I have my breakdowns and I let myself cry because holding it all back is just too much to deal with sometimes. I know that there is nothing wrong with feeling upset about not being a parent yet because when the time finally does come for us we will appreciate it that much more. It is human nature to feel jealous of others that have something that is such a major part of life when you want it so badly. It upsets me when people think we should just brush things aside and find other things to focus on, that is a perfect example that they don?t understand and have never wanted anything the way we desire to become mothers for the first time or again. My advice to anyone going through this is to set up as much support around you as you can and just take it day by day. Although most people won't understand, I personally feel like my husband is the only one that remotely feels what I feel most of the time. I wish there were more things that were helpful, but the only Thing that will help each of us in the end are things we can?t give each other. But we can support those around us that are going or will go through this and if we talk about it with more people maybe more people will understand a little better. Anyway, sorry this is so long? I hope everyone can have a good day today and not worry about tomorrow too much. That is what I am trying to do? Baby dust to everyone!
posted 2/07/2006 by Alicia
Hey Sarah, I know exactly how you feel. Two girls I know got pregnant w/out even trying. At first I was okay with it, I was excited with them. But as soon as they started showing that's when I started feeling really down about it and literally "hating" them. When one started making plans to throw her baby shower I just tried to disconnect from her.Both of them. I didn't go to the baby shower because I knew I would be miserable. I told them up front exactly how I felt and that if ever I were to act a certain way it wasn't them. It was just me being upset about *MY* personal situations regarding my none pregnancy. Like -Suzie- said "it all depends on the relationship you have with your friends" and unfortunately our relationship wasn't as close as I had thought and both girls completely disregarded what I had said. So we are no longer friends. I hope that you are much closer to yours and that they respect you. Sometimes really all I needed was a hug from one of them at times. Don't dis associate completely but don't be around them to often because it'll just wear you down.
posted 8/13/2005 by SheedaReeder3
I think it is natural to feel what you are feeling. I have been on the other side (the pregnant friend). Please just be honest with your friends. If they are truely your friends they will understand if there is a time that you do not want to talk to them. Please do not isolate them though. I cried the first 6 months of my pregnancy because a friend made me feel so guilty about being pregnant. If they would have just told me about their feelings then I would have understood, yet I had to hear second hand about many things and then they would make comments to us that just tore me apart. I wish for them to get pregnant. I would do anything to help them.
posted 5/16/2007 by Anonymous
decided to bring in my comment after reading Stacey's post (05/03/2006). I have been on both sides and have learned a lot from it. All my friends in the US had babies before me, and I was always very involved with these very happy events until I decided that it was time for me to begin thinking of my own baby. I became pregnant immediately but miscarried quickly. It was hard. At the same time, the last of my childless friends was approaching delivery and I could not even imagine talking with her, seeing her, dealing with her happiness. So, I kept myself at a safe distance. Then there were other wonderful events in the family, while I had my second miscarriage, together with a very bad depression. Finally, I got pregnant last fall and I am approaching delivery now. Well, guess what? all my childless friend disappeared! There are people whom I haven't talked to since Christmas. I email them, send them pictures, but receive no response or response such as "very busy now, will write more later." Now I understand how it feels to be left alone too. And it hurts almost more than envy, because when you are pregnant you want the people you love to be present around you, to participate, to support you, especially if it is the first pregnancy. This is no pregnant queen syndrome, it is simply a natural feminine desire to share the incredible changes your body is going through with the people you love. And when these people disappear, it hurts. So, it is worth to work on your envy, even if it requires professional help. It demolishes yourself first, and then your friendships. Life is very strange: there is no reason why some women should have babies easily and others don't. But it happens. At one point I started becoming excited at the idea that we could adopt, that we could help other children, and it did feel good, it did help a lot. Participating your friend's pregnancies can be rewarding, as Stacey suggests. I did it every single time, with the exception of once, and I have only good memories of it and a good sense of myself. I only wish I hadn't let my sadness take over me during the pregnancy of my one friend I abandoned. I hope this helps, and good luck to all of you!
posted 6/01/2006 by MR from CA
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
0 comments:
Post a Comment